


Earth Shenanigans

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Earth, Fix-It, Fluff, Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Humor, I'm begging for attention at this point, M/M, ace/aro pidge, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25493650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Literally just a fix-it fic where they got back to Earth safely and everyone is okay. Rated teen and up for some adult themes and language.ON HIATUS!!!
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allurance (but it doesn't end like that I swear), Everyone & Everyone, Everyone & happiness, Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pidge/no one, past Matt Holt/Shiro - Relationship
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY. In this, they killed Honerva before going back to Earth. Sendak is dead, the Blade is still a humanitarian thing, and Lance is NOT a farmer.  
> I take feedback!!!!! Please, if anything doesn't make sense/you see a way to make my writing better, TELL. ME. I strive to be better. Now enjoy this hell of a fix-it.

“We’re almost home, guys,” Hunk said softly. Team Voltron had been travelling through space in their lions for a year and a half, and they had  _ finally  _ made it to the Milky Way galaxy. They were still a ways away from home, but the end of their impossibly long journey was in sight.

“The first thing I’m gonna do is listen to some music,” Lance said, grinning mischievously.  _ “I know you want me; I know you care-” _

“No!” Pidge shrieked. “Anything but that!”

“What about that band Pentatonix?” Lance asked.

“Come  _ on,  _ Lance,” Hunk groaned. “You were just in love with that girl, Kirstie, or whatever.”

“Kirstin Maldonado is a  _ god,”  _ Lance responded.

“Excuse me, you’re not allowed to leave out our Yale student Kevin,” Pidge threw in.

“Or Avi,” Shiro put in. “He was pretty great, too.”

“Yes!” Lance yelled. “Matt’s pretty cool, too, though. Have you seen videos of him live?”

“Matt can sing?” Coran asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, it’s a different Matt,” Shiro said. “Matt sings like a dying cat.”

“Cats on Earth sing when they die?” Romelle asked.

“No!” Lance said. “It’s an Earth saying. Shiro’s trying to say that Matt Holt doesn’t know how to sing. At all. But Matt Sallee, that’s another story.”

“Yep!” Pidge grinned. 

“What other good music was there?” Hunk asked, “I mean, I’ve lost, like, all of my memories of good music. Seriously.”

“How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore,” Lance started, “and a Scottsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by Providence, impoverished in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?”

“The ten dollar,” Hunk continued, grinning, “Founding Father without a father got a lot farther by workin’ a lot harder, by being a lot smarter, by bein’ a self starter by fourteen. They placed him in charge of a trading charter.”

“What’re they doing?” Coran asked. “Is it an Earth ritual?”

“You could say that,” Shiro said.

Pidge, Lance, and Hunk broke into perfect harmony as they went on until the end. They sang different Hamilton songs, confusing and impressing the aliens.

“You guys remember any TikTok songs?” Lance said quietly, though it was clear he thought he was _ hilarious. _

“Um, the only one that comes to mind is Oreos, and, um, I don’t really think-” Hunk started.

“What’s TikTok?” Allura asked. 

“It’s a human form of social media where people dance and stuff. It’s actually really fun,” Pidge explained.

“And TikTok songs?” Romelle added.

“Those are the songs people dance to,” Lance said. He turned the camera on so that everyone could see him.  _ “My  _ personal favorite dance was Cannibal. Pidge, you better do it with me or-”

“But what about the renegade?” Pidge asked. Her face also came up as she showed everyone the dance.

“I was always stuck on Cosplay TikTok and FoodTok so I didn’t see any actual dances,” Hunk said, also turning his camera on and standing up. “But I can throw it back better than either-”

“Nope. No, nah, stop. Nobody is throwing it back, not on my watch,” Shiro said, turning his camera on beside the younger three. 

“Then we’ll have to settle with singing Oreos,” Pidge reasoned.

“What’s Oreos?” Shiro asked, skeptical. Pidge began whistling the tune, and the fear in Shiro’s eyes was greater than it ever had been- not even when Keith had nearly died. “You know what? You can do whatever, just  _ not that.” _

“Why?” Lance asked.

“What- you are talking about the song all the horny lesbians used, right?” Shiro asked. “And some weird straight boys, but-”

“Shiro, you were on gay TikTok?” Pidge screamed.

“I- I had to monitor what Keith was watching,” Shiro stammered. “Believe me, I didn’t want to be there!”

“I did  _ not  _ use TikTok,” Keith shot back.

“What the quiznak are you guys talking about?” Coran asked.

“Earth culture!” Pidge answered quickly. “I wonder what straight TikTok is dancing to now… Lance should know, he was stuck on  _ that side  _ of TikTok.”

“Excuse me! I was on music and dance TikTok, not straight TikTok!” Lance argued. “And you were on the hacker side of TikTok. You flirted with a  _ serial killer  _ and called Anonymous ‘ _ Daddy.’  _ Do you really want to talk about weird online habits?”

“I also helped bully the President into hiding!” 

“Oh, God, I forgot that you guys are part of Gen Z,” Shiro groaned.

“That makes you a  _ Millennial!”  _ Pidge realized.

“Shiro’s a Millennial,” Hunk whispered.

“Humans make no sense,” Krolia sighed. 

“I don’t get it either,” Keith reassured her.

“Pidge acts like the coolest person online,” Hunk said with a grin. “She’s trolled so many. For an ace/aro person, she seems to flirt a lot. Remember the Blue Whale challenge?”

“Oh, yeah, I scared the  _ crap  _ outta that guy,” Pidge cackled.

“What’s the Blue Whale challenge?” Shiro asked.

“A social media thing,” Lance said. “Basically, someone DM’s you with challenges and threats and eventually they tell the person to kill themself. You’re supposed to just block and report the people that DM you, but Pidge decided to ask them on a date.”

“That was  _ amazing.  _ I was gonna send them to the Garrison so that the security could pick them off and scare them away. I also once hacked into the government’s files, which was fun.”

“Katherine Holt!” Shiro yelled. “You don’t just  _ hack into the government!” _

“Hey! I managed to stop the police from ruining a peaceful protest in Oregon!” Pidge fired back. “I also may or may not have tweeted on the pumpkin-in-office’s Twitter that he wanted to get with Ariana Grande and Kanye at the same time…”

“That was you?” Keith yelled.

“I’m going to have to tell your parents about that,” Shiro said. “You can’t just hack into the President’s Twitter!”

“He’s not even the President anymore! Plus, if you tell my parents about my hacking into the government files, I’ll tell them about the time you hooked up with Matt  _ in their bed,”  _ Pidge said smugly.

“You did  _ what?”  _ Keith yelled at Shiro. 

“You swore you wouldn’t tell anyone!” The fear on Shiro’s face broke yet another all-time high, and Pidge stuck her tongue out. 

“Wait, so you actually, like-” Hunk’s voice shook with practically every emotion.

“Yep. I just happened to be looking for Matt- it was a wrong place at the wrong time moment.” Pidge’s voice held an unimaginable amount of smugness.

“What about Adam?” Keith asked, turning off his comm to talk to Shiro.

“It was before I met him,” Shiro said before turning the comm back on to address the rest of the team. “We were teenagers.” 

“I was a traumatized little kid. Are we in an agreement that no one outside of these lions needs to find out about that or the government incident?”

“Mhm.” Shiro’s voice was small and clearly terrified.

“Anyway, what are the rest of you going to do when we get home?” Pidge asked, her tone light and carefree again. “Other than listen to music?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're back on Earth!!

A few days later, Shiro watched as everyone reunited with their families; Lance sitting down to pull his nieces, nephews, siblings, and cousins into a tight hug; Hunk wrapping his arms around his parents, tears in everyones’ eyes; Pidge giggling and leaping into Matt’s arms, Sam smiling next to them… Keith stood next to Lance, who started introducing him to his gigantic family. Shiro was grateful that everyone’s families were okay, even if his own blood family wasn’t. He was more than happy with the… unorthodox family he had found in space. He stood with Allura, Romelle, and Coran, who were watching everyone else hug and laugh and cry. 

“So this is family on Earth?” Coran mumbled.

“Yep. You already knew about Pidge, Sam, and Matt, but everyones’ families are different. For example, Lance’s family has a lot of people, since people have lots of kids where he comes from. Pidge has a smaller family, since in America, we generally have less kids.” Shiro paused, looking around the room. “Keith was an only child, meaning he doesn’t have any siblings, and-”

“Shiro? My boy?” Coran tapped his shoulder at the abrupt stop. Shiro didn’t even notice. He had seen  _ him.  _ The sarcastic smile, the tense way he stood, the glasses… Adam.

“Takashi?” Shiro watched his own name fall out of the man’s lips and took a step closer. He tensed up, remembering everything that had been said before he left. He was sure Adam wouldn’t want to see him. He desperately wanted to turn away- to never see him again, to run, but he couldn’t. He stood rooted to the spot, staring at him.

“Adam.” Shiro whispered the name, and that was all it took. Adam ran to him, flinging himself at Shiro.

“You’re alive,” Adam whispered, and Shiro felt Adam’s face rest on his neck as the smaller man’s arms and legs wrapped around Shiro. Shiro had to take a step back to keep his balance, but he squeezed Adam in a tight one-armed embrace.

“You could say that.” Shiro put Adam down, taking a step back to really take him in. Shiro was back, and Adam was alive. Adam kept Shiro’s hand in a tight grip, almost as though if they stopped touching, the other would disappear.

“I’m  _ so sorry,”  _ Adam cried, falling back against Shiro and burying his face in his chest. “I thought- it- you- leaving-”

“Hi, Adam,” Keith said bitterly, walking up to the pair.

“Keith?” Adam whispered, pulling away from Shiro, wiping away a tear and turning to Keith. “Takashi, how did he get to space?”

The rest of the Paladins had protectively crowded behind Shiro, not knowing who this man was, but seeing Keith’s bitterness, they had instinctively gathered to help.

“Long story. Everyone, this is my friend Adam. We were roommates-” Shiro ignored Pidge’s amazed gasp of ‘and they were roommates!’ and Hunk’s laughter at it- “and he helped me raise Keith, especially when he was- ah, how do I say this- in his more difficult years.”

“Shiro-” Keith’s cheeks burned red as he rolled his eyes.

“Adam, these are the Paladins of Voltron. Keith now leads them in the black lion, Lance is his right-hand man in Red, Princess Allura of Altea is our diplomat in Blue, Pidge is our genius in Green, and Hunk is her science buddy and the master chef in Yellow.” Shiro introduced everyone, gesturing towards everyone as he said their name and role. “Coran is our senior in charge, and Romelle is an Altean we picked up along the way.”

“Great to meet you all. Thank you for keeping Takashi and Keith safe.”

“They were really the ones keeping us all alive with his strength and bravery, Adam.” Allura’s eyes shone with gratitude. “It’s great to finally meet someone he knew on Earth.”

“Princess Allura of Altea-”

“Call me Allura.”

“Allura, I find it hard to believe that his  _ bravery  _ kept you alive. He was the guy who refused to kill spiders on the wall.” Adam laughed. “And Keith was just the antisocial kid with behavior issues.”

“Shiro, did you really refuse to kill spiders?” Lance laughed.

“Maybe not refused…” Shiro began a retort before Adam cut him off.

“This one time, he saved me from a wasp, though,” Adam said, grinning and leaning against Shiro. “Managed to kill it without getting stung.”

“What’s a ‘spiders’ and a ‘wasp?’” Romelle asked. “And why do you kill them?”

“Just imagine Slav, but, like, smaller, hairier, and with an uglier face. Boom, you’ve got a spider,” Pidge said, making the rest of the Paladins laugh. “A wasp is a little thing that flies around and stings people. We kill them because they’re annoying.”

“Did you really just compare Slav to spiders?” Shiro asked, grinning. 

“There  _ is  _ a reality where I am a-” Slav started from behind Shiro.

“Wait, how do you not know what spiders and wasps are?” Adam asked.

“They don’t have bugs on their home planet, Altea, or, in Romelle’s case, the- um- Quantum Abyss,” Shiro explained.

“Lucky,” Adam grumbled. “Wait- a Quantum Abyss?”

“We’ll explain later,” Lance promised. “Or maybe Pidge will, I don’t really get that stuff…”

“We’re debriefing the Garrison tomorrow morning,” Shiro said. “All of you, go home for the night. I’ll see you back here at seven.”

“The rest of us will stay in Blue until then,” Allura said. Everyone went back to their families, walking off to go home.

“Let’s go.” Shiro pulled Adam closer, keeping his arm around his shoulder.

“I see you’ve dealt with your… arm problem,” Adam said with a smile, poking at the metal stump. “How’d you cut it off in space without getting it infected?”

“I didn’t do it,” Shiro said. “I’ll explain tomorrow at the debriefing. A lot has happened since I left for Kerberos.”

“You’ve got that right,” Keith mumbled from behind Adam and Shiro.

***

The next morning, Keith awoke to the same alarm that had woken him up hundreds of times before he had been picked up by a giant sentient space lion robot and forced to save the universe. It was almost soothing; like he was home. He was back. 

He walked into the small kitchen that he had eaten so many meals at, surprised when Shiro and Adam weren’t up. He sighed, going up to the door of the room that Shiro and Adam shared. He knocked softly on the door, and when he got no response, he figured it was safe to walk in.

“Good morning,” he mumbled as he took a step onto the soft carpet. He smiled when he saw Shiro and Adam, entangled under the warm blanket. “Hey, wake up.”

Shiro complained softly when Keith put a hand on his shoulder, softly waking him, but after a few seconds, he pressed a kiss to Adam’s forehead to wake him up.

“G’morning,” Adam mumbled, pressing his face in Shiro’s chest.

“We’re leaving for the debriefing in half an hour,” Keith said softly, turning the lights on while he walked out.

“Hey, Keith,” Adam said a few minutes later, ruffling his hair as he walked by.

“So you and Shiro made up?” Keith asked between bites of cereal.

“Yeah. Hey, you know, I really missed both of you.”

“Okay.” Keith’s voice held bitterness; he was still mad at Adam.

“Look, Keith, I’m really sorry about everything I said.” Adam next to Keith, and the boy finally looked at him.

“Why’d you say them, then?”

“I was scared. It was supposed to be a bluff to keep him home and safe. I mean, he was going to Kerberos- the edge of the Solar System! I guess that isn’t that far compared to where you’ve been now, but I was terrified for his life.”

“I get it. He did die, you know.”

“What?” 

“We’ll go over it when we tell everyone at the Garrison.”

“You can’t just tell me that my fiance  _ died  _ and then expect me to just be okay with it!”

“His consciousness was saved in the giant black lion and Allura brought him back with some kind of Altean magic.” Keith was waving his spoon around as he spoke.

“So what’re you two talking about?” Shiro asked, buttoning up his Garrison uniform as he walked out and into the kitchen.

“Takashi Shirogane, you  _ died  _ and didn’t tell me?” Adam shrieked.

“You told him,” Shiro sighed to Keith. “Adam, when we’re at the debriefing, you have to promise me you’ll be quiet. A lot has happened, but you have to just let us tell the story without cutting in.”

“That makes it sound like you’ve all died and your real self is in hell,” Adam said skeptically.

“To be fair, that’s not too far off,” Keith said. “We didn’t get the real Shiro back for months after he died.”

“You know what,” Shiro said loudly. “Let’s get there early. C’mon, you two.”

***

Pidge was the first Paladin in the mission control room, sitting with her dad and brother. 

“We’re twenty minutes early,” she complained.

“It’s good to be early,” Sam said.

Twenty minutes later, the room was crowded with Garrison officials and everyone else. Everyone that had been in space was seated around the front, with Shiro standing up in front of everyone. He began once the room quieted down.

“Well, I think it’s important to start ten thousand years ago, when Voltron was created by King Alfor from a planet called Altea…”

Shiro did most of the talking, explaining what Voltron was and Allura told everyone who the original Paladins were. They skipped to where Shiro got captured by the Galra for the first time. For two hours, they spoke about Voltron, their adventures, and gave brief explanations of their weapons.

“So… yeah. Now, we’re back,” Shiro said quietly at the end. “Anybody have any questions?”

“How did the clone work?” a soldier asked. “You said something about them being made by someone named ‘Haggar,’ who… killed you,? But you’re clearly standing here.”

“The witch Haggar was terrible; when her husband Zarkon killed Shiro, she somehow managed to get ahold of his life force and recreate it by the hundreds. It was Keith that believed that there was still good in Shiro’s clone. We don’t really know  _ how  _ it happened, but now Shiro’s back with us and we couldn’t be happier,” Allura said, standing up and answering for Shiro. 

They were up for another hour answering questions ranging from questions about life and death and alternate realities (Slav’s favorite questions to answer) to questions about Lance’s flirting techniques.

“Well, if that’s all, then I think we can call this meeting over,” Shiro said. Everyone dispersed, talking about outer space and how insane it was that some teenagers saved the universe. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit longer, but it's a fun one.

“They’d be an adorable couple,” Pidge said to Hunk, laying on a couch in the Garrison lounge with her head on his lap. The pair had been helping with Altean/Human technology- The actual Alteans were still working, but the two Paladins had been given a break.

“What would we call them?” 

“Shadam?” Pidge suggested. “Adiro?”

“What’re you talking about?” Lance asked, walking into the small lounge room and sitting on Pidge’s legs.

“We think that Shiro and Adam would be a cute couple,” Pidge said. “Plus, they’re already really close and touchy.”

“But we don’t know if they both, you know, swing that way,” Hunk curled a lock of Pidge’s hair in his fingers. “I mean, I think Shiro does, but they could just be really close friends.”

“We can always try. Operation: Shadam is go,” Lance said, making finger guns at his friends.

“Sounds good.” Pidge grinned.

***

Shiro was practicing moving things with his new arm in the room right next to the lounge- but his little space-siblings/kids/friends didn’t need to know that. He heard everything they talked about, recognising the slightly mischievous tones they used and could imagine their smiles. Adam was in the corner of the room on his phone and looked up at Shiro.

“Should we tell ‘em?” Adam asked. 

“We were all invited to have dinner with the Holts,” Shiro said. “It’ll be the Paladins, Coran, Romelle, Matt, Sam, his wife Colleen, and Krolia. Sam told me to ask you to come. We can tell them then. Oh, and Kolivan might join us if he finds the time.”

“That’s a lot of people.” 

“It’ll be okay.” Shiro accidentally crushed the soda can he’d been tenderly holding, watching Adam with a smile.   
  


“Then it’s settled.” Adam stood, kissing Shiro’s cheek. 

That evening, Adam and Shiro knocked on the Holts’ door, holding hands (Shiro was holding Adam’s right hand in his human hand for obvious reasons). They were both in their Garrison uniforms, but they had adjusted them to be slightly more comfortable. Colleen opened up, and Shiro smiled warmly.

“Hey, boys. Come in and wash your hands, dinner’s almost ready.”

“Thank you, Colleen.” Shiro let her pull him into a hug before he and Adam walked in. They quickly washed their hands before walking to the dining room, where people were starting to sit down. They sat next to each other, and Adam squeezed Shiro’s hand. Shiro looked around the table- Sam, Coran, and Matt were talking science. Allura and Romelle were laughing as the mice made themselves comfortable in Allura’s hair. Kolivan, Krolia, and Keith talked about battle plans. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk whispered among themselves, giggling. Colleen was busy bringing out food. 

“I would like to make a toast before we begin eating,” Colleen said, breaking up the chatter. “I think that we can all agree that it is absolutely incredible that all of you are still alive and back on Earth. I’m grateful for all of you to be here, including those of you that I have never met. While Katie is most definitely grounded-” a sound of protest came from the corner of the table- “for going into space without telling me, it is amazing what she has done with all of you. I am honored to be here.”

She lifted her glass of water, and the humans all did the same. The aliens looked confused.

“Just lift your glass like this,” Sam sighed before taking a sip of his water. The aliens lifted their glasses before putting them right back down. 

Chatter broke out around the table as people started eating. It had been years since any of the humans had had Earth food- especially food cooked by a mother. Keith explained what everything was to Krolia and Kolivan, who were tentatively trying green beans. Krolia had been on Earth before, but she hadn’t tried green beans. She just knew that they looked similar to asparagus and that she didn’t like asparagus. The Alteans also looked skeptically at the watermelon, which the humans dug right into.

As dinner came to an end, Colleen stood. 

“Sam, could you help me with the dishes? The rest of you can go out back.” Colleen started ushering everyone outside.

Everyone else sat in a circle on the deck out back; some in chairs, others on the ground. 

“We should play truth or dare!” Pidge announced.

“What?” Allura asked. The rest of the non-Earthlings looked similarly confused. 

“Basically, you ask ‘truth or dare’ to anyone in the circle. If they say ‘truth,’ you can ask them any question and they have to answer completely honestly. If they say ‘dare,’ you have to do whatever dare they want you to do,” Pidge explained.

“Ah, that sounds like an Altean game- but on Altea, there was much more intoxication involved, and it was often dangerous,” Coran said. 

“Trust me,” Adam said with a smirk. “There are more than enough Earth games that include intoxication and danger. I once had to carry Shiro home after one too many rounds of beer pong. Matt, you remember, right?”

“No!” Shiro blushed. “No, you do not. You do  _ not _ remember anything!”

“Yeah, I remember perfectly,” Matt laughed. “You’re also really flirty when you’re drunk. It’s really funny.”

“Am not,” Shiro argued.

“Wait, Shiro gets  _ drunk?”  _ Pidge shrieked. “By  _ choice?” _

_ “And flirts?”  _ Lance yelled.

“His pick-up line game is strong,” Adam said, watching as Shiro went a shade redder.

  
“Why don’t we start the game?” Shiro said, and his smile gave away murderous intentions.

“Okay! Keith, truth or dare?” Pidge said.

“Do I look like a coward?”

“Yeah. Who was you first-”

“I pick dare, you gremlin,” he laughed, catching Pidge in a headlock and crushing his knuckles into her skull. Pidge giggled and slithered away before giving him the heinous dare.

“I dare you to sit in Lance’s lap until one of you has another turn. And no daring each other to do anything to get out of it!” Pidge said with a grin. Keith blushed but moved to Lance, sitting on his right leg.

“I hate you,” he grumbled as Lance wrapped his arms tightly around Keith’s chest, pulling him close. “Adam, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to…” Keith paused, thinking. Lance leaned forward, whispering in his ear. “Okay. I dare you to kiss the most attractive person here.”

Adam grinned, leaning in to kiss Shiro, who was sitting next to him. Shiro kissed him back, and three of the Paladins squealed. 

“What?” Shiro asked, still smiling and shifting his glance between Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. Of course, he knew why they were squealing, but they didn’t need to know that he knew. 

“Nothing,” Pidge giggled. 

“Matt, truth or dare?” Adam asked.

“Dare.”

They went around like that for half an hour (which eventually consisted of the Holt parents bringing out popsicles for the teenagers and beer for the adults, both of which the aliens turned down) before Adam headed inside to go to the bathroom. Pidge suddenly got a mischievous look on her face. Luckily, Krolia had just dared Lance to kiss Keith (no one had expected her to be setting them up, and Keith had looked ready to kill everyone there, including himself), freeing Keith from his lap, so it was his turn to ask. She whispered an idea in his ear, and he nodded, grinning.

“Hey, Shiro, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Shiro pretended not to know what was coming. 

“When Adam gets back, try your best pick-up line on him,” Lance said. Shiro nodded, smiling slightly. “I know Adam said your pickup line game was strong, but I’ll give you one, if you want.”

“I’ll be fine.” Shiro grinned.

After a few more seconds of waiting, Adam walked out. Shiro smiled, taking a sip of his drink.

“Hey! Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can really see myself in your pants.” Shiro sent a pointed look  _ down there,  _ resulting in disgusted and amazed shouts from the younger Paladins. Adam didn’t miss a beat.

“Are you a haunted house actor? Because I want-”

“Don’t finish that,” Shiro said, standing up to cover Adam’s mouth with his human hand. “Don’t you dare-”

“Because I want you to make me scream,” Adam said, pulling Shiro’s hand away from his mouth and kissing him. Shiro bit Adam’s lip, and the younger Paladins all shrieked, and Hunk quickly covered Pidge’s eyes.

“Did he just-” Lance’s mouth gaped open. “I told you pick-up lines worked!”

“We’ve been together for quite some time,” Adam said, pulling away. “And it’s not the first time Shiro’s used the mirror one on me.”

“Fuck you.” Shiro sat back down in his spot, pulling Adam with him.

“That’s the goal.”

“Did Keith know?” Lance sputtered. “And Matt? What about-”

“Keith, Matt, and Sam knew.” Shiro kissed Adam on the cheek. Adam made himself comfortable in Shiro’s lap. “We were gonna get married, and then the mission happened.”

“A lot has happened since then,” Adam said softly. “I mean, Shiro went to space to collect some rocks. And next thing we know, he gets captured by a race called the Galra and it all kinda went to shit.”

“It feels like a lifetime ago that I asked you out for the first time,” Shiro laughed. “It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Did you really think that I might turn you down?” Adam looked up at him. 

“I guess.” Shiro kissed the top of Adam’s head.

“I was the one to convince you to ask him out,” Sam said, “if you’ll remember.”

“Yep.” Shiro nodded. 

“You were hopeless.” 

“That’s also true.” 

“Dad, tell us how it happened!” Matt said. He’d heard the story before, but he was all in for hearing it again if it meant torturing Shiro and Adam.

“Shiro would come back to our dorm, and when I asked him how his mechanics class went, he told me about his new partner. If I’m remembering correctly, after the first day, he told me everything about him- the color of his eyes, his hair, the way he smiled…” At this point, Sam was mostly just teasing Shiro. “And he didn’t remember anything they had studied. Basically, they were working on repairing ships for class, and Shiro apparently already knew everything about repairs, so he just talked to the guy. That guy just happened to be Adam.”

“You’re making me sound like a lovestruck teen,” Shiro said. “I was seventeen years old when we first met.”

“You were still lovestruck,” Sam responded, smiling fondly at them. “Eventually, I told you to just ask him on a date, and you asked how I knew that you were gay. You seemed so surprised that I could see your crippling crush.”

“Whatever,” Shiro said. “But he said yes!”

“That is true,” Adam responded, clearly thinking. “Remember how on the final exam, you took your shirt off because you didn’t want it in the way of the engine, and I was a wreck?”

“We were going to work on a ship. First, we had to put out the fire in the engine, so I took my shirt off so that it wouldn’t catch while I was working in there,” Shrio explained to everyone.

“I had to look away from you to stay focused,” Adam said, laughing. “How often do you even work out?”

“Often enough.” Shiro grinned, kissing Adam.

“Oh, I just remembered!” Lance said. “My family’s going to the community pool day after tomorrow and wanted me to invite you all.”

“Sounds fun.” Keith smiled. Shiro could tell that he was thinking about Lance shirtless and he nodded, too. 

“Yeah. We’ll all need new swimsuits, though,” Hunk yawned. “I doubt I can still fit in my old one.”

“Why don’t we all meet here tomorrow at noon?” Sam asked. 

“An Earth swimming pool?” Allura asked. “Is it any different from the one on the castle?”

“First of all, it’s in the ground,” Lance said. “Abiding by the laws of gravity. Second of all, it’s kinda crowded sometimes, but I know almost everyone there, so it’s really fun.”

“Sounds amazing!” Allura grinned.

“It’s really not,” Pidge said.

“That’s just because you don’t swim,” Lance said.

“I’m sorry I don’t want to  _ drown! _ And at the Garrison swim test, if you’ll remember, they forced everyone to take their shirts off and do pair exercises, so I’m still kinda traumatized by that.” 

“They  _ what?”  _ Matt shrieked.

“Yeah. I had to keep up with the act of actually being a boy, so I went with it. Luckily, I was paired with Hunk, so it wasn’t too bad. Like I said, that gave me more lasting trauma than anything else.”

“Wait, since you’re a girl, that means you can’t be part of the Man Titty Committee anymore!” Hunk exclaimed.

“Katie… I can’t believe you actually-” Sam began.

“I get it. I’m too stubborn. Chill out.” Pidge rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

“What time is it?” Shiro asked, changing the subject and looking into the dark sky.

“Eight fifty-five,” Adam responded.

“Damn! I’ve gotta be home, like, five minutes!” Lance stood and started running. “Bye!”

“We should be getting back, too.” Shiro stood. “C’mon, Keith.”

“We’ve gotta put the kids to bed.” Adam smiled.

“Kids?” Hunk asked.

“Keith and Takashi.” 

  
“But seriously, it’s getting late. We’ve gotta get back to an Earth sleep schedule,” Shiro said, leading Adam and Keith out. He heard the aliens saying similar things and Pidge asking if Hunk could stay the night (Colleen insisted that she was still grounded, so it was a no.) 


	4. Chapter 4

“Now get dressed and get ready to go.” Shiro put Keith down next to his closet- the majority of his clothes were too small, so he picked a sweatshirt he had stolen from Shiro on one particularly cold winter day years before. It was still a few sizes too big, which was perfect. It swallowed him whole, and he picked some sweatpants to go with it.

“It’s eighty-eight degrees,” Adam told him as he walked out. “You’re wearing a shirt under that, right? You’ll burn to death if you keep that on all day.”

“No,” Keith sighed, going back into his room to get his usual black t-shirt to put on under the sweatshirt.

“Now you are?” Adam asked. Keith pulled the sweatshirt up a bit, showing Adam the black shirt. 

“Have you brushed your teeth?” Shiro asked.

“No.” Keith used the bathroom and brushed his teeth before meeting back up with Shiro and Adam. He also put in a bit of work to make his hair look presentable. 

“Here.” Shiro pressed a granola bar into his hand as they left the apartment, Keith still utterly exhausted.

“Hi!” Pidge was wearing a green sundress that was probably meant for a ten-year old but somehow suited her. 

“You brushed your hair,” Keith pointed out.

“Pidge is wearing a dress!” Lance shrieked, running over to them. 

“It does look very good on you,” Allura said, walking up with the rest of the aliens.

“Geez, why are you all so surprised?” Pidge asked, blushing. “Keith is wearing something that leaves his body up to the imagination. I think we should all be more surprised about that than anything.”

  
“Aren’t you hot in all those clothes?” Matt asked Keith, walking outside.

“No,” Keith lied. He was already sweating. But he was stubborn, so he kept the sweatshirt on and leaned slightly on Shiro to stabilize himself in the heat.

“We’re getting swimsuits today!” Coran said enthusiastically. “I can’t wait to partake in this Earth-ly ritual!”

“Earthly ritual?” Hunk walked over to the group, looking utterly confused.

“We have everyone?” Sam asked, quickly making a head cound. “So I know that Kolivan and Krolia are off on Blade duty, so that makes ten of us, since Colleen and Adam aren’t coming.”

“I think most of us could also use some new clothes other than swimsuits,” Matt pointed out. “The Paladins have probably gotten taller, and the aliens could use some human clothes.”

“That’s true,” Pidge said. “Let’s split up into two groups. Cover more ground faster.”

As they walked, they split into the two groups. Shiro took Keith, Lance, Allura, and Coran. Sam took Pidge, Matt, Hunk, and Romelle.

“Can we also get lunch while we’re here?” Pidge asked as they walked in through the doors and found a map of the mall. “There’s a pizza place upstairs!”

“Yeah, why not?” Sam smiled. The Garrison had gifted the adults each some money to help them get back off the ground when they got home- they hadn’t wanted the heroes to go home to nothing, it wouldn’t be a good look for them.

“You two have never had human food, have you?” Shiro asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Allura responded. 

“You’re gonna love it.” Lance tossed an arm over her shoulder, grinning. “But first we’ve gotta find you a good swimsuit. One that shows off-”

“Lance,” Shiro sighed. 

“Sorry! I’m just teaching her about  _ Earthly beauty. _ ”

“We also have to find some human clothes other than the Garrison uniform,” Keith reminded them.

“You’re right,” Shiro said. 

They found a swimsuit store- the other group had gone off to get normal clothes. Lance and Keith had chosen similar swim trunks, one plain blue and the other red. Coran had picked out shorts with flowers all over them (Shiro didn’t let him get a pink bikini, so he had gone with the flowery shorts). Allura had found a dark blue one-piece with a cutout in the back, and Lance had stared for just a little bit too long, reassuring her that it was perfectly normal for girls on Earth to show their legs- apparently it was illegal in many places on Altea, and taboo in most others. Shiro knew that he still fit into his old swimsuit at home, so he hadn’t bothered getting one for himself. Plus, he probably wasn’t going to swim.

They stopped for lunch at a Popeyes- Shiro had refused to take them to Taco Bell- and Shiro had just ordered them a family-sized thing of fried chicken. Allura wasn’t entirely sure how to eat it when it came- she picked a wing up and examined it.

“It’s very sharp,” she said, carefully nibbling at the outside.

“You can’t just eat it delicately! I know you’re a princess, but you have to dig in,” Lance said, fearlessly taking a bite. “Just be careful of the bone in the middle.”

“A bone?” Coran asked. “Are we eating living things?”

“No, it’s dead. Anyway, if it’s super hard and looks like this,” Lance showed them where he had bitten, revealing the bone, “don’t eat it.”

“Okay.” Allura bit into her chicken. 

Ten minutes later, they had finished eating, and Shiro tossed the bucket in the trash. They made their way to a clothing store, not really paying attention to where they were going.

***

Sam’s group had finished shopping for clothes and had eaten lunch, so they were wandering around and waiting for Shiro to text Sam, saying that they were also done. They passed a Spencer’s, and Pidge grinned.

“Can we go?” She pointed at the store. Sam sighed.

“What is Spencer’s?” Romelle asked.

“We’ll show you!” Matt took the girls by the arms and pulled them in, Hunk following closely behind. Sam followed them in, telling himself that he wouldn’t get them anything. He watched as Romelle asked Pidge to explain why she was laughing so hard at a poster. After a few minutes, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

_ Where are you guys? We’ll meet you. _

_ We’re at Spencer’s. Where are you? _

_ Just outside Kohls _

_ We’ll meet you there.  _

“You four, let’s get going!” Sam pulled his group out of the Spencer’s. Pidge complained, dramatically saying goodbye to the store as they left. Romelle looked confused and slightly disturbed, but followed behind. They met back up with Shiro and their group.   
  


“Where’d you eat lunch?” Allura asked Romelle.

“It was a place called Papa John’s, where they serve  _ pizza.  _ It’s like nothing I’ve ever had before,” Romelle said excitedly.

“We went to Popeyes. Lance called it an ‘American staple,’ or something, and it was okay. I want to know why Shiro didn’t want to go to Taco Bell.”

“It messes with his stomach,” Keith said with a smirk. “He gets really sick after eating there, which he found out after a date with Adam.”

“Keith, we don’t talk about that,” Shiro said, shaking his head.

“Why do you get sick?” Romelle asked. “Is it poisonous?”

“Technically, no. It’s just very artificial,” Shiro explained.

“Does everyone get sick after eating there?” Allura asked.

“No, they actually have really good food,” Lance said. “I’ll have to take you there one day.”

Keith’s heart sank. It wasn’t that  _ he  _ wanted a date with Lance- no, that would be weird and gross- it just annoyed him that Lance wanted to date Allura. He knew that Pidge and Hunk wanted them to get together- ‘Operation: Klance’ was something he’d overheard once or twice- but it annoyed him that Lance wasn’t picking up on anything.

“That sounds fun.” Allura smiled. Keith put on a fake smile and acted happy for them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I had way too much fun with this. It's sorta based on what I do with my friends at the pool, but, like, Voltron Edition.

The next day, the group met up at Lance’s house, as he lived the closest to the pool. Most of Lance’s siblings and little cousins tagged along as they walked down the road. Adam and Shiro walked behind, fondly watching their strange family interact. 

“It smells so weird,” Allura said as they got to the pool, setting their stuff down.

“It’s just chlorine,” Lance assured her. “They use it to keep the pool clean. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Alright,” Allura said, nodding and taking off the sundress that she had gotten at the clothing store. Lance blushed almost immediately.

“Don’t look at the Princess like that, my boy!” Coran said, smacking Lance on the back of the head. Lance grumbled before pulling his own shirt off and getting the sunscreen out. 

“Do you guys use sunscreen on Altea?” Lance asked.

“Their skin is resistant to UV rays, Lance. It’s an Altean thing,” Pidge said as she smeared sunscreen on her cheeks and nose. She sighed when Lance still looked confused. “That’s a no.”

“Oh.” 

“Can you get my back?” Keith asked Lance, missing the jealous glare that Veronica shot Lance as the blue Paladin’s hands ran over Keith’s back.

“Get mine?” Lance stuck his tongue out at Veronica as Keith splattered sunscreen on his back.

By the time everyone had sunscreen on them, most of them were restless. The pool was practically empty except for their giant group and a few little kids running around the shallow area, so Lance immediately ran to the deepest part- the twelve-foot deep diving well. He dove in, yelling that it was perfect when he came back up.

Shiro sat on the wall behind the diving board that separated the pool from the private property next door. He leaned on the gate and watched as Hunk cannonballed next to Lance and Matt gracefully followed. 

After a few minutes of Lance, Matt, and Hunk convincing everyone to jump in, Adam slipped away from the group.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked Shiro. “You haven’t even taken your shirt off!”

“I don’t really know how my arm would handle the water. I put sunscreen on my shoulders at home, so don’t worry about that.”

“That’s not it,” Adam insisted, flinging a wet arm over Shiro’s shoulders. “That arm could survive hell. We both know that it would work perfectly well in the water. And Pidge doesn’t really know how to swim well, either, so you don’t need to worry about being the only one who can’t swim.”

“I can swim! Just… not that well,” Shiro said, glaring playfully at Adam. “I’ve got a lot of scars, Adam,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “I don’t know if I’m ready to… you know, show everyone. I mean, you and Keith have seen, and a few of the others might’ve caught a glimpse, but I’ve kept my shirt on. There  _ are  _ little kids here. I mean-”

“Oh.” Adam interrupted his little rant. “Well… I’ll just sit here with you, then.”

“Go with them,” Shiro said, nodding towards the water. “It looks like they’re trying to teach the Alteans something.”

“Alright.” Adam kissed Shiro on the nose. “Love you, babe.”

“Love you, too.”

Lance was busy trying to explain Sharks and Minnows. He’d played it a million times with his siblings and friends at the pool. The aliens didn’t quite get the gist, which was to be expected. They barely knew that they had to hold their breath underwater, how would they know to chase each other around in it?

“Just… watch a game. Pidge, you joining?” Lance called to Pidge, who was sitting on the side, her feet dangling in the water.

“I dunno…” Pidge hopped in and swam over to the middle of the pool, keeping her head out of the water. “Just don’t kill me. Please.”

“Cool. We play so that the bottom is base and you have to tag peoples’ heads for it to count. You can also pull people off of the bottom to tag them, so that’s always fun. I’ll be the first shark.” Lance swam to the other side, and everyone playing gathered on the wall. “Oh, and if I touch the wall before you go, you’re automatically a shark. Minnows, come!”

Keith dove to the bottom immediately, opening his eyes against the water. He dragged his hand across the floor to stay on ‘base.’ Keith was halfway when an arm wrapped around his waist. The rest of his air left him in a rush, and he wrestled to get to the surface and touch the wall to be safe. He kicked, and the arm pulled him up and a hand tapped his head. His vision had started greying out in spots, so as the arm let go, he struggled to the surface and coughed as he grabbed the wall. Lance surfaced next to him, laughing.

“The hell?” Keith yelled, pulling himself out of the water and sitting down, feeling weak. Lance turned and swam away, likely to tag someone else. Eventually he got out on the other side of the pool.

“You’re a shark now, Keith!” Lance called, laughing. “You put up a good fight. But you’re no match for the number one lifeguard at Greenwood Community Pool!”

“Stop it, Lance.” Keith called back as he walked around the pool, still trying to get the oxygen back into his lungs. “Seriously, though. What was that?”

“The fun part of the game!” Lance watched as Keith took his hair out of its ponytail and shook it out. It was almost as great of a sight as Allura in the swimsuit. No- it was definitely as beautiful. He knew that his sister was probably also staring, so he pulled Keith the rest of the way to the Sharks’ side.

“Uncle Lance!” one of Lance’s many family members called from the Sharks’ side. “C’mon, let’s start the round! I gotta get Veronica on our side!”

“Alright,” Lance laughed. “Minnows, come!” 

Keith swam to the wall, where Pidge was standing, getting ready to dive in. Just before he tapped the wall, she shrieked and leapt in, trying to dive and failing. She swam slowly, and Keith caught up to her in a few quick strokes and tapping her head. She swore at him, and they got out on the Sharks’ side.

They had Lance, Keith, Pidge, Veronica, and a few of Lance’s little relatives on their side. That left Hunk, Adam, and Matt standing on the other side, along with the rest of Lance’s family. Lance gave the command, and they attacked. Keith couldn’t really tell what was happening, but he chased Hunk, practically climbing onto his back to tag him.

That round, Matt and Adam were the only two left. Lance made the call, and everyone swam as fast as they could. Keith and Veronica tried to pry Adam off the bottom of the pool (they ended up successful, as Adam lost all of his breath and practically collapsed on them), while Lance and his more agile siblings went for Matt. Pidge and Hunk stayed at the top of the pool, watching everything go down. Matt’s hand stayed on the ground as he swam- even with Lance’s hands under his shoulders and some ten-year-old’s arms around his waist- and he flipped everyone off as he reached the wall, his hand sliding upward as he pushed to the surface.

“Second place is shark!” one of Lance’s siblings yelled. Adam looked surprised. 

“Shouldn’t the winner get the honors?”

“No,” Lance said. “The winner is the best, but second place is it. The winner gets the prize of being able to be a minnow.”

“Allura, Romelle, Coran! You guys joining us?” Pidge called.

“Sure!” Allura slid into the water gracefully, while Coran dove in and Romelle carefully climbed down the ladder on the side into the pool.

“Shiro?” Adam called. Shiro shook his head.

“I’ll just stay here,” he called back.

“You should sit on the diving board!” Lance suggested. “Since no one is using it, you can stay there, and you don’t even have to get wet!”

“Yeah, Shiro!” Hunk said. “‘Cause you missed how Lance almost killed Keith last round. It was epic.”

“Alright.” Shiro laughed and climbed onto the diving board, sitting on the edge. It bounced slightly as he sat.

“What are you guys playing?” someone from the side of the pool asked.

“Sharks and Minnows!” Lance responded. Shiro assumed that Lance knew the kid- he was young, maybe six or seven, and he had a few friends with him of the same size and age. “Wanna join us?”

“Yeah!” The kids dove into the pool and gathered on the Minnows’ side.

“Cool! Adam, you’re our first shark, so get over there,” Lance said, grinning. Adam swam over to the sharks’ side, one arm up on the wall.

“Minnows, across!” he called. All of the new kids immediately dove to the bottom without an issue, and he joined them, tagging a few of Lance’s siblings- including Veronica. 

“Ooh, Veronica! You were tagged in the first round!” Lance teased from the Minnows’ side.

“Oh, shut it,” she said back. When Adam made the call, Veronica’s eyes trailed Keith. He was fast, swimming with a hand against the bottom. She’d show Lance. She’d score a date with Keith. It was  _ going  _ to happen. She grabbed him by the waist, as that was the only part of him that wasn’t moving. He looked back, and when he saw that it was her, he smirked, swiftly moving and shooting out of her arms. And with that, his swim trunks came off. He screeched under the water and moved to pull them back, and Veronica reached to tag his head while he was distracted. He grabbed her arm, almost immediately focused on the game again, pushing her away as he kicked off the bottom and reached the wall.

“Keith, if you would  _ please  _ keep your swim trunks on while we’re swimming, that would be much appreciated,” Adam sighed.

“It’s not like I meant for them to come off!” Keith responded, his face turning bright red. “Veronica was trying to tag me!”

“Veronica, let Keith keep his trunks on!” Lance called.

“It’s not like it was on purpose!” Veronica yelled back.

“Alright, let’s stop talking about me keeping my shorts on,” Keith interrupted as Lance opened his mouth to argue.

“Yes! Let’s go to the next round!” Allura agreed. She was still on the Minnows’ side, and Adam made the call, drawing everyone across.


End file.
